Temple Grandin

This morning I started a new movie.  Well, here's how life works for me right now.  I get up and get Natty out the door and then I have 30 minutes before I need to start getting the boys ready for school.  This is the perfect amount of time for me to run my daily 5k on the elliptical and keep up on my movie watching.  Depending on the lenght of the film I will go anywhere from three to 5 days.  Today Natty left early and it gave me extra time.  Jay and Sara ordered Temple Grandin for me on their Netflix and it came yesterday.  I was excited to get started with it having seen a clip several months ago at a parent training with the Special Ed teachers at South. 

I usually watch action movies if I can - they just seem easier to run to.  Anyway, Temple Grandin is not exactly an action movie.  It is however one of the best movies I have watched in a long time.  I say this knowing that it will not mean a lot to many people and the fact that I have only watched the first 50 minutes does not really qualify that statement.  I am however a father of a boy that is highly functioning autistic.  I have lived through some very challenging moments and I have witnessed some incredible things in the life of this sweet boy.  I watched as Claire Danes portrays this life of Temple Grandin, an autistic girl and was simply blown away by how excellent she does.  There were things that I related to instantly, things that I have seen in Jack, that we have lived.  It opened my eyes to some things as well and has helped me to perhaps understand better some of the ways that Jack functions. 

I could also relate to the mother in the movie and the emotions that she feels.  Oh my, sometimes it is the most challenging thing in the world and you feel so deeply for you child.  It is hard.  I remember sitting in a meeting in Florida, it was an IEP meeting for Jack and I had to listen to these people give a report on Jack and as a parent I felt the attack.  I felt them attacking Jack and his challenges and it was so hard.  I was given the opportunity to make a statement and so I made it a point to discuss the boy that I knew, this extremely loving boy.  I was a little emotional and I think they knew when I was done that they had struck a nerve with me.  Funny that they tried to explain away the harsher criticism and they quickly agreed with my statements. 

As the parent you go through so much because you want so badly for your child to be accepted and to fit in.  When they don't fit in or are seen as different you feel people looking at you, that it is your fault.  I know that Rachel felt that.  Those are challenging times and all you can do is hang on and keep going.  Funny, I just wanted Jack to fit in on the soccer field.  I knew last year he really wasn't a fan.  He wanted to play this year so we signed up again.  He plays his own game.  It usually has nothing to do with soccer.  I wish I knew what was going through his mind out there.  Anyway my point here is that I really don't care anymore that he isn't playing soccer.  I get a kick out of watching him accidentally run into the ball on occasion, run around the field without a care in the world and a huge smile on his face.  Oh that is a kick because he runs around, not really paying attention to where he is going - usually not towards the ball - and as he runs he catches regular glimpses of his legs and it excites him to see them working.  I don't know, it is weird but that is it.  I don't care much anymore what the other parents think.  I don't care if the team wins or loses.  I just want to see these brief moments of joy - and believe me, on the soccer field they are brief.  There are also moments when he likes to try and wrestle with the other team.  There was the time when he took a ball to the face and was set off.  We work through it as best we can. 

I rambled there some and I have not given Temple Grandin a great run down.  All I will say is that I think it is marvelous.  It is very real to me.  It has opened my eyes to see things a little differently in Jack's perspective.  Well, a desire to better understand what goes on in Jack's mind.  I wept regularly as I watched and ran.  I know that I paint a picture of myself as some sort of wimp when I declare this but I don't really care.  There was so much that I was relating to that it hit me quite hard because of the reminder it is of the challenges experienced, the successes achieved and the unique individual that I have the blessing of knowing. 

I don't know if I will get through the rest of it tomorrow or not.  I hope to.  Regardless, I will share a couple additional thoughts when I get through it.