Mind Games

The cold hard facts are that I have not been in a serious relationship with a woman since my divorce.  I had a mild relationship with a gal for a bit, it was 5 years ago. We held hands a couple of times.  She is wonderful but it just wasn't going to happen.  I never really got anything else going.  I've had lady friends and I have gone on some dates but never anything serious.  I think I also have a problem of being scared of something advancing so I tend to not get overly involved.  That is all fine and well and then I found myself this morning wondering what I was doing after going on a few dates with this gal. It was suddenly a bit scary.  Look, she is a great gal and I like her, I just start to get myself freaked out.  What if I continue to pursue?  Will I rub her the wrong way?  Is it too much? By that I mean it isn't just me.  I am a packaged deal.  Will I end up getting rejected?  I think that is the question that scares me the most.  Rejection.  So hard.  What kind of wrench will this throw into my life and how can I even manage it with everything else I have going on.  This stuff is a bit frightening.  I don't know how to deal with it.  Obviously dating someone is not the same as getting married to someone.  Well, crap, I am just rambling on here. Let me just say that I am struggling with how to proceed.  It could be fear of the future or it could be fear of a relationship in general.  Well, suffice to say I am not giving up.  I will continue to pursue with purpose and see what comes of things.  I most certainly will have to be brave.