Battling Pornography

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with our computer guys about protecting my home from pornography on the internet.  We don't have an issue with that in my home and I don't want my kids accidentally exposed to things of that nature so I was working on some protective measures.  Google, Yahoo and other search engines offer protections that can be easily put in place to block adult content and lock it out from your computer.  I have taken those measures. It doesn't take long to put them into place.

In that conversation we ended up discussing a few different things and the computer guy shared with me some thoughts shared with him by his Bishop.  His Bishop no longer asks the youth in his ward if they have seen pornography but rather asks them when the last time they looked at pornography was. The Bishop said they all do it and this quickly opens the door and puts the issue on the table and the youth are more open about it.  That particular comment took me by surprise and it made me think about my own life and battling pornography.

As I pondered the subject a few weeks ago I felt like it was something I should address here but I didn't really want to.  The thought has stuck with me over the last few weeks and I've continued to put it off.  Today we had a lesson in Elder's Quorum that addressed acting on promptings and at that moment in the lesson I knew I had to act and write this post.  Sharing my own personal struggles with pornography is not something I have ever shared with anyone and is not something I do lightly. Saying that I have personal struggles with pornography may lead one to believe that I am an addict and that I am constantly looking at it.  This is not the case.  In my nearly 43 years of life I have had 6 encounters with pornography that I can remember.  The scary part is that two of these happened before I was 11 years old, one when I was 17, one when I was 27, once at the age of 31 and then one more time when I was 35.  That sounds disturbing but before you assume the worst of me let me share the encounters and how I handled things.

I was 9 years old and was across the street with a neighbor friend and one other friend of mine. We were up in my friends room and he pulled out a magazine.  I didn't know what it was but as soon as I started looking at pictures of naked women I found it very difficult to turn away.  The fact that I was 9 is not lost on me as I think about my son Andy who is 9 right now.  I would never think that he would be exposed to pornography and yet it happens and that is scary.  I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't want to tell my parents what had happened and I did not. That was probably not the best decision but I was afraid. In my mind there were certain things happening, it was pleasurable but disturbing at the same time.

A year later we had some new neighbors move in across the street and next door to my friend.  I had not seen any additional pornography since that first encounter until one day I was playing with this new friend across the street.  We went down to his basement and there next to a chair was a stack with what seemed like hundreds of pornographic magazines.  There were more stacked in another pile.  This new friend told me I could look at it as much as I would like.  Unfortunately I was not very strong as a 10 year old boy and I looked.  There is a powerful draw in pornography that makes it hard to turn away from and I was not equipped to turn away at the time.

I look back at that time and think how sad it was that twice before the age of 11 I was exposed to pornography. It is real, it is powerful and it is destructive.  Fortunately that was the end of that struggle for the next 7 years.  In 1990 we moved from Hawaii to Carson City, Nevada and lived in a home on Overland Drive. This home was set on a large lot with a big open lot next to the house.  It was covered in Sagebrush and dirt.  I was out exploring there when I happened across a Playboy magazine just sitting there.  I would like to say that I had built up serious defenses in the 7 years since my last encounter but I had not.  The worst part in this encounter was that the magazine was now in my possession and I could look at it when I wanted to. I had a little hiding place for it and would sometimes go and look at it.  This was self destructive behavior and I am certainly not proud to report that I engaged in it.  Somehow, someway that magazine disappeared. It wasn't kept in the house and I don't know who found it or what happened but I am forever grateful that it was gone.

At some point in the next year or so my mother gave a lesson in our weekly Family Home Evening that changed my life.  She shared a talk by one of my favorite youth speakers Jack R. Christianson that he titled Spiritual Winners.  For me this talk was pure gold.  He shares the story of Joseph who was sold into Egypt and his encounters with Potiphar's wife.  When she came to Joseph and wanted him to lay with her he fled and got him out.  The message that Jack shared was that spiritual winners run from anything that will destroy them.  I wanted to win spiritually and I would run from anything that would destroy me, especially pornography.  I had a desire and in that desire I found great strength.

When I was 27 and a new father for the first time I worked for my dad in an office in Las Vegas.  It was usually just me in this office.  The internet was now around, it wasn't a thing during my first three encounters with pornography.  We were living in a one bedroom apartment at the time and started thinking about buying a home.  There was a program on TV that showcased several homes in the valley and talked about how they had many listings available to look at on their website.  I thought I had copied the web address down correctly but when I typed it in to my computer at work it took me directly to a pornographic website.  I was shocked and couldn't believe what had happened.  My reaction was quick and decisive and I reached for the main power button on this power platform that the computer plugged into and I flipped the switch. It was the fastest way I could figure to run and get me out.  I wasn't going to have pornography control me and I fled. I have often reflected on this moment.  I was there in my office by myself.  No one would be coming in to see me, no one would have ever known if I just engaged in looking at the content of that website. It would have been so easy but this time I was stronger and I knew what I was going to do when confronted by pornography and that made the battle easy.

In 2005 I moved my family to Florida and began working as a General Manager over a couple of air conditioning stores.  I was given a desk and a computer that belonged to the previous manager.  All was well until I turned on that computer.  With no warning pornographic images would pop up on the screen.  Apparently the previous manager had a problem with pornography and had no qualms about using the work computer to feed his addiction.  I had made a decision that pornography would not be part of my life.  I shut down that computer more than once.  I contacted the company computer guy and he had me load software that was supposed to clean up the computer. It didn't work and I was frustrated with it.  How could the company expect me to work on a computer that was loaded with pornography?  I wasn't having it so I went out and bought myself a computer out of my own pocket.  It was a laptop and it ran me $1300.  They were a bit more expensive back in those days.  I didn't regret that purchase for a second and I used that computer for at least a year before the company decided they could buy me a new computer.  I had made a decision and I was not going to compromise my standards.

In 2008 we moved into an older home in Lakeland. We were going about fixing some things up and one of the things I was doing was clearing out some attic space over the garage.  The previous owners had left a lot of stuff up there and when I began moving things around I found multiple boxes filled with pornographic magazines.  It was pretty disturbing and difficult to understand why someone would save years and years of these magazines.  Regardless, we removed the boxes from the attic and took them directly out to the trash.  I don't know if anyone drove by at night and sifted through the garbage only to find these magazines.  I hope they simply went directly to the dump.  I'm pretty sure we taped up the boxes when we pulled them down.  In any case, I had found myself alone in the attic with boxes of pornography in front of me.  I was not tempted at all to look at these magazines and only wanted them out of my life as quickly as possible.  Why? For me it is simple, I want to be a spiritual winner, I want to live my life so that I am worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost and I am prepared and determined to run from anything that will destroy me.

Pornography is a powerful tool.  I see it often referred to as the new drug.  I have never done drugs so I don't know what it is like to be addicted to certain chemicals but I have felt what it is like to crave pornography. I have felt its addictive nature in my life.  I don't know exactly how I was spared from falling further into that vice but I was and I am forever grateful.  I certainly wish that I had been stronger and braver as a 9 year old but I cannot change what happened to me.  I can say however that we have the power to stop looking at pornography. We can battle those cravings and that appetite and we can win.

I attended a special adult fireside in the Lakeland Stake years ago and listened to a man from LDS Social Services speak about pornography. I have shared impressions from this talk previously but will discuss it briefly now as it relates to this topic.  Alma teaches his son Corianton a powerful lesson about repentance and forsaking sin and in Alma 39:9 he invites Corianton to cross himself. Here is the verse:

Now my son, I would that ye should repent and forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of our eyes, but cross yourself in all these things; for except ye do this ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God.  Oh, remember, and take it upon you, and cross yourself in these things.  

This brother went on to teach us about crossing yourself in relation to addiction and pornography.  On a chalkboard he drew a circle in the middle and labelled it the violation.  This could be anything that we do wrong - pornography, drugs, sexual sin - pretty much any violation of God's laws can be applied.  Around this violation he began making dashes that surrounded it.  Then he added dashes that surround the first dashes and so on until he had built out several layers of dashes.  The dashes he labeled crossings and taught us about this verse in Alma 39.  The crossings are actually steps that lead up to the violation with the innermost crossings being what was done right before the violation.  The set of dashes beyond the innermost represented what was done right before the next set of crossings.  Each layer of crossings represent the thing done prior to the crossings inside of them.  The idea here is that you begin to recognize patterns and to understand what it is you do that leads you towards a violation.  As you know what to look for you can take measures to stop yourself from progressing towards the violation.  You have to look, you have to reflect, you have to understand and you have to have a plan and then be willing to act.  I believe this is a powerful tool in crossing yourself and battling pornography or anything else you may be struggling with.

Pornography is real and it is invasive and it does not care who you are, how old you are or how innocent you might have been.  The adversary is seeking to destroy us and is very subtle and very crafty.  We have to prepare ourselves to be strong, to be battle ready and to know what to do when we encounter pornography.  I have shared some things with my children relative to avoiding pornography but I need to do a better job at helping to equip them with the strength to run from anything that will destroy them.  I know it can be done and I know that the Lord will strengthen us in our righteous desires.  I am ever grateful for the strength He has given me.