Struggle

Sometimes I struggle.  I know, hard to believe right?  It's true.  I struggle with some things. I do some things that I am asked to do and sometimes those things irritate me.  One thing I find irritating was a major focus point in our elders quorum lesson today.  It has to do with everyone moving up for the lesson in the chapel.  I don't like having to move up.  I like having my space. I like having agency to chose where I will sit. Anyway, we are asked each week to move up and to sit closer to the front.  It is somewhat irritating and I move up begrudgingly.  So I guess this message was directed at me and others like me and then those that opt not to move up at all.  There was a video shown of one of the general authorities of the church talking about the very act of moving forward when invited to do so.  Great, now I feel like crap for having a poor attitude about it. I mean, I do it but I don't necessarily want to do it.  Not a great attitude at all.  So the message today was irritating to me.  Irritating because I don't want to hear about it.  Irritating because I don't want to feel guilty for liking to sit on the back row.  Irritating because I think people might assume a bit much when it comes to someone that prefers to have a little distance. I love the Lord and I do my best to serve in any way that I can.  I attend to my meetings faithfully and sometimes I attend those meetings on the back row.  Well, Sacrament meeting is typically on the second row, left side of the chapel unless someone is occupying that space in which case it might turn into center front or somewhere else in the left and center front area of the chapel.  I wonder what that indicates?  Anyway, I will try to have a better attitude about it and will do my best to show the Lord that I sustain those he has called.  I can't say it won't be a struggle.  I am sure it will be and I will want to rebel and enjoy my space.  Nevertheless, I do love the Lord and will try and show him that in this way.