A Step Behind

Sometimes I sit and I find myself in awe at where I am at and what I have responsibility for.  Specifically the fact that I am a single dad with three children and I carry a set of feelings that I am completely inadequate to do the job.  I don't know what I am doing, I don't have all the answers, I don't have the organizational skills to manage the family the way it should be done.  I always feel like I am a step behind everyone else.  I am slow to get it and feel like a lot of things simply sail right over my head. 

This is not something new.  I was kneeling at Andy's bedside a bit ago and was pondering the matter.  When I was in kindergarten I didn't say a word all year.  As a result I ended up in a two year first grade class.  Perhaps it was the two year first grade class that left me feeling a bit slow.  I wasn't up to speed with the other kids my age so I had to go to a special class.  Anyhow, just a thought as I really cannot pinpoint a time or an event that would lead me to believe I was always a step behind.  That was 34 short years ago when I started that special first grade class with Mrs. May.  That was the only event that I could really think of and it may have nothing to do with it.  Maybe I am not the only one who feels this way. 

Does it really matter?  I mean, regardless of what I might feel I have a job to do and I have to do it the very best that I can.  The great part is that I am judged according to what I am capable of and not what someone else is.  Truly there are some super parents out there that have it all together and my goodness I could beat myself up all day for not measuring up to their standard.  I don't need to worry about that.  I need to go forth each day with a fixed determination to do the very best that I can do and not spend a lot of time worrying about whether I am in or out of step with those around me. 

Sorry, I have rambled on a bit about nothing.  That's what you do sometimes when you are a step behind...