Jack woke me up about 4:45 this morning because his ankles hurt. He was crying and needed to have them iced. I got my favorite bag of frozen edimame and we iced and rubbed ankles for a few minutes. He was camping out on his floor last night so we got him back up on his bed and I put a pillow under his feet. Shortly after that he was back out.
I went back to bed at that point but I couldn't sleep. After laying there for a time I remembered that Natalie had put a special note on my bed that I was supposed to read but forgot about it when I went in to bed. I sat up, turned on the lamp and read her note. It was kind of difficult to make out because she wrote it in a yellow highlighter and at 5 something in the morning my eyes were not quite ready. Anyhow it was a sweet little note and I felt very much compelled that I needed to write her back and so I got out pen and paper and wrote her a note.
As many of you know I am a bit of a boob when it comes to certain things and writing a special note to Natalie in the wee hours of the morning happened to be one of those times. And so I wept a bit as I wrote some personal thoughts and feeling to sweet Natty. I finished and tucked the note under her door and then went back to bed. I lay there with gratitude in my heart for the reminder of the note that really needed to be read and answered. To me it was a tender mercy moment and I am very grateful not to have missed it. The notes meant a lot to both Natty and myself. She has already written another back and is waiting on my to write again. Anyway there were a flood of thoughts that came to mind and instead of my usual sleep anywhere at anytime ability I was wide awake. I thought about my struggles as a parent and the things that I fail in regularly. I thought about the little things that I am unable to do for my kids right now and I am sad for them. My thoughts turned to the end of this month and that they will be leaving for two months. I wept much. It is a hard thing for me to ponder and I struggle with the thought of them going. My kids have been my best friends for years and the thought of them going makes me weep even at this moment. I remember having to go away on business trips and not wanting to leave them. It is just a hard thing. And so I count down 30 days and I fear for the time they will be away. I don't know what to expect for them. I don't know what Alaska will hold for them. I hope for the best and must trust in the Lord that he will protect them. I guess all I can do is send them forth with faith and perhaps a Priesthood blessing and then keep a prayer in my heart. And so it is that I struggle today with the thoughts of tomorrow. I know that they are excited to see their mom and to spend more time with her. I hope it will go well. Jack said to me yesterday morning before we went to work that he is going to miss me when he goes to Alaska and he started to cry. My heart just ached and so we had a hug and I told him how much I loved him.
Well I should report on Fast and Testimony meeting today. Jack got up to share his testimony and when he got to the podium and looked out at the congregation he brought his finger up to his mouth and said "shhhh, I don't know what to say yet". It was pretty funny. The when he knew what he was going to say he went on to share his testimony and talked about it being May and that May will be a great month. There was a little more to it then that but basically that was it. I think that some people in the Ward look forward to hearing what he has to say. Todd Allen (Secretary in the EQP) told me how much he enjoys Jack's testimonies. He and his wife were subbing in Primary today and he was hoping Jack would be in his class. Not so but that is okay. Ken Betritch stopped me in the hall and said "Jack gets it". He talked about how much he enjoyed the testimony and that the boys did a great job. Andy also got up and the Bishop gave him an assist again. I suppose I should get up with him but I didn't even realize he had snuck up there until he was on his way to the podium.
Tonight the kids were wanting to go on a walk and it wasn't 30 seconds out the front door that they decided they wanted to go on a drive instead. It was a bit chilly in Cedar today. We went for a little bit of a drive down the road past the Home Depot. That eventually lead to a little dirt road and before you knew it we were climbing a little mountain in four wheel drive. The kids were loving it. We made it up to the top of a little range there to the West of I15 just south of Cedar. It was a little bumpy here and there and the kids all loved it. Off-roading happens to be one of my favorite things to do though I have not done it in years. We got back down the mountain and there was a little area that we had driven around for a bit before we went up and we went back to it. In it was a little steep hill and we had only gone up it previously. I decided we would go down it. The kids were a little nervous but we went slow and I stopped the truck on the down hill. They were all three hanging in their seat belts butts in the air. The angle was at least 45 degrees if not more. Anyway they laughed and laughed and naturally wanted to do it again. On the way out Natty asked me to do a donut and I declined but Jack asked what a donut was so I had to show him. It was just a quickie and really just a half donut but they were so excited it was great. There was sufficient laughing and giggling about that to last the drive home - well I threw in a couple of introductory fishtails just for fun and that helped with the laughter. I don't know that off-roading is necessarily the greatest Sabbath day activity but quality family time is and we certainly had a lot of fun together on this quick outing.
Well I have rambled through a few thoughts there and some fun things. I used to close every journal entry expressing my love for my children and really have not done that when I converted to the blog. I do love them very much. They are my life. There isn't a lot that is more important, certainly nothing that the world has to offer could ever replace what they mean to me. I love them and am ever grateful for them in my life. I am grateful to the Lord for trusting them to my care.
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