For those who don't know me, my name is John Fontano. I am a single father of 3 children. We live in Cedar City, Utah and we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons. I've been divorced for three years and the last four years have been some of the most challenging of my life. When I was first divorced I found myself at a crossroads and had to make a decision. Do I continue to attend church with my kids or do we just stay home? Being divorced in a family oriented church was a hard thing for me. I didn't feel like I belonged or that I was even worthy to be there. It would have been easy to stay home. I found that the adversary was working very hard on me. I had to lean on my testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and decided to continue walking in obedience to the things I knew to be true. In doing so I found that the Lord was aware of me and that I mattered to Him. I want to share here a couple of my life's experiences that have helped me to know that we have a Heavenly Father and Savior who know us, who love us and who do not leave us comfortless.
In the church we have 13 articles of faith that outline our fundamental beliefs. The First Article of Faith states: We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. I know this to be true.
In the next six weeks or so I will turn 40. That is a big number and actually I am quite amazed at just how young 40 is these days. As long as I can remember I used to sit in church on Sunday and while listening to the messages shared by the members I would often have a warm feeling in my heart. I didn't always know what that meant but I knew it felt good. I later learned that the fruit of the Spirit as spoken of in Galatians chapter 5, is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. When I had these warm feelings in my heart it was The Holy Ghost testifying to me of the truth of what I was being taught. I think that has to be one of my favorite parts of life, being taught by the Spirit. It is The Holy Ghost that teaches the truth of all things and brings all things to our remembrance. As we are taught the truths of the gospel by the Holy Ghost we are invited to live them. I have always tried to do my best in that effort but have struggled at times, fallen short at times and have not always been the best example. It seems to be part of life's journey to learn here a little and there a little. Throughout my life as I have chosen to be obedient and to follow the Lord to the best of my ability, I have found myself drawing nearer to Him. As I fall short and make mistakes I know that I can repent and that a loving Savior makes it possible for me to be made clean and whole.
Twenty years ago I was serving as a Missionary in the South Africa Capetown Mission. I had been out for just a short time and was suffering from a bit of homesickness. I was on the other side of the world, missionary work was not what I thought it was, we were not teaching anyone and I was discouraged. I remember praying to Heavenly Father at the end of a difficult day, sharing my frustration with the work and my desire to return home. I said something like "if this is what missionary work is all about, I'd rather just go back home". The next morning I was still feeling discouraged with the work and desires to just go home were in the forefront of my mind. I proceeded with my day and began my personal study. I felt impressed to open and read from the Doctrine and Covenants. I wasn't studying anything in particular in the Doctrine and Covenants so I just randomly opened to section 15 and read the following:
Hearken my servant John, and listen to the words of Jesus Christ, your Lord and your Redeemer.
For behold, I speak unto you with sharpness and with power, for mine arm is over all the earth.
And I will tell you that which no man knoweth save me and thee alone -
For many times you have desired of me to know that which would be of the most worth unto you.
Behold, blessed are you for this thing, and for speaking my words which I have given you according to my commandments.
And now, behold, I say unto you, that the thing that will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people, that you may bring souls unto me, that you may rest with them in the kingdom of my Father, Amen.
The Lord had my attention. You see, I don't think I opened to this section of scripture by chance. I believe that the Lord was speaking to me directly. Oh, I could have started in Section 16 which is on the same page and ultimately is the same revelation with the exception of one word, John. Section 15 was a revelation to John Whitmer and Section 16 was to Peter Whitmer and they are identical except for the name. So, Hearken my servant John, the Lord had my attention. With my state of mind the rest of Section 15 made two things very clear to me. First, I needed to be a missionary and get to work and second, the Lord was aware of me, He knew exactly where I was and exactly what I needed to hear. I was humbled and I was filled with love, joy, peace and faith as the Holy Ghost bore witness of these things to my heart.
As I mentioned previously, I am divorced. I cannot begin to describe the level of pain and anguish that I experienced at that time of my life. Divorce is never something I imagined having to go through and I still struggle with a few things today because of it. When I found myself alone with my kids I was overwhelmed, I was deeply hurt, sad, depressed. Life was a struggle and I felt like a huge failure and disappointment to my family. At the same time I had three little ones that I needed to take care of and continue to lead. When I say I was at a crossroads and that the adversary was working on me one of the things that was prevalent in my mind was the fact that as a family we were reading scriptures and praying together, we were having family home evening, we were attending our church meetings, this should not have happened. But it did happen and you better believe that the adversary was working on me. I think he knew that if he could discourage me from doing those things he could destroy me and my family. Leaning on my testimony meant pressing forward with these things that I knew were right and no matter how difficult it was we did them. When we exercise faith in the Lord and draw near to Him, He draws near to us.
Continuing to live the gospel basics was a test of faith for sure and the Lord did in fact draw near to us. This time, instead of hearing what I needed through the scriptures, the Lord sent Angels. Really they were just friends and neighbors but I consider them Angels. It was a dear friend who called and made arrangements with other friends for my kids to be picked up from school and my youngest to be watched during the day so that I could work. It was a sweet neighbor who showed up at my door several times just to see how I was doing or to help clean my house or whatever I needed. My Home Teachers came a gave me a blessing, the Relief Society President stopped in to make sure things were okay. Friends that I served with in the Stake called or stopped by to see how I was. My dear friend and Stake President came to my ward, sought me out and visited with me for quite some time to see how I was and then laid his hands on my head and gave me a blessing. My sweet employer carried me through when I was not able to meet my normal work loads. A friend prepared frozen meals that I could simply put in the oven and have dinner for the family. A friend just gave me a big hug and told me he loved me. When I say Angels it is because that is how I see these people. I was praying for help, my parents and siblings lived across the country and were praying for me, friends were praying for me. The Lord heard those prayers of faith and sent Angels to bear us up. In my darkest hours someone would come and I knew that it wasn't just by chance but that the Lord was keenly aware of what I needed and He provided. How grateful I am for those that acted on the promptings they received.
I believe in God. I know that He is our loving Father in Heaven and that He has a plan for our happiness. Jesus Christ is His Son and our brother. He is our Savior and through Him we can return to live with our Father in Heaven. I know that we are known to them, that we matter to them. I am just a guy trying to live my life and take care of my family. In this world I don't matter a whole lot but to my Heavenly Father I matter, I know that and I know that you matter to Him as well. As I try to live the gospel I am strengthened and my children are blessed. The Lords plan is one that brings joy in our lives. It does not eliminate trials or struggles, those are necessary for our growth and learning. It does provide hope, strength, safety and direction. I know God lives and I invite any who desire to learn more about Him to contact missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They will help you.
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