I'm Really Good at Getting 100%

Today we had SEP/SEOP conferences at school for Natty and Jack. I have no idea what SEP or SEOP stand for. Probably Student Education Plan or something along those lines. I think back in my school days they were probably referred to as Parent Teacher Conferences. Who knows?

Anyway, Jack was first so Natty, Jack and myself went in to see Mrs. Robb. She had some very positive things to say about Jack and his progress. She showed me a story that he had written about his family. It will be in his portfolio so I will eventually have a copy of it but for now I can only say that he wrote about John being very helpful in building train tracks, Natty was good at something (sorry I cannot recall at the moment, Jack liked to use the Green Geo engine to pull the train cars around the track, Andy was good as helping with the controls. He likes to use the red engine to pull the cars around the track. I just sat with Mrs. Robb and smiled as I thought about Jack and the progress he has made. He still has a long way to go, we both knew that as we sat there and talked about him but it was nice to take a moment to enjoy the progress he has made. Maybe that is where life should be lived, taking a moment to enjoy. Isn't that what President Monson taught us, to find joy in the journey? Sometimes I think I am so overwhelmed with the tasks of my day that I fail in that charge.

You know what is funny, I am sitting here writing this and it occurs to me that once again in Family Home Evening I was taught a lesson that I needed to hear. I don't know that I walk in ungrateful shoes, there is so much to be grateful for and I try to express that though I don't always do the best. Anyhow, we had such a great lesson last week pulling a book off the shelf that I went to the shelf once again. Yes it is true that I am not always so prepared. I looked up and there was President Hinkleys Way to Be. We read the first chapter - Be Grateful. I recommend this read. Great story with the boys and the silver dollars in the strangers shoes. I won't type it out here. There is so much in the few pages that it is difficult to pick out just a couple of lines but here are the last few paragraphs.

Your very attitude toward life can be evidence of whether or not you are truly grateful for life, for the blessings you have, for the comforts and privileges and opportunities you enjoy, for the talents you have been given, for everything.
Be grateful. Count your blessings and gifts and priveileges and see just how long that list is. I imagine that each of you will have difficulties ahead of you. None of us can avoid them. But do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight in the clouds. And be grateful for what you have.
Try to be grateful even when you encounter challenges and problems along the way of life, because you will. Like everyone else, you will have difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. And God will not forsake you.
Let the spirit of thanksgiving guide and bless your days and nights. Work at it. You will find that it will yield wonderful results.
Gordon B. Hinkley, Way to Be!

I realized earlier today that it has been a year since Rachel and I seperated. It has been a little over two years since it all fell apart. You know it is difficult to recognize the blessings and the growth that occurs when you are in the middle of the trial. It is hard sometimes to feel that you are not alone and yet I found in every moment of despair the Lord was there to lift me up. The words from President Hinkley "God will not forsake you" are true.

I have thought about putting together some thoughts on this experience called divorce and the theme that comes back to my mind is "as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings". I say that because of the emotions that I have experienced over the last two years. The moments of despair, the times of feeling completely unworthy and inadequate, the times when I have felt that there was not a place for me within the church or the quorum. I shared the experience I had in my talk (see Fortifying our Families post)and the impression I had that night - There is evil at the door that is trying to get in and if it gets in it will destroy your family. I have thought recently that this was my own personal door, the door to my spirit. I had no clue what the events of my life would be three and a half years ago. I was just thinking about this today - I was serving with the Stake Presidency at the time and was surrounded by increadible men and I was strenghtened tremendously. With other experiences that I went through there was a time of spriritual lifting and perhaps it was all so that I would be strong because the adversary was coming. I don't mean to make Rachel sound like she was the devil. She was not. There were choices made that were very painful for the family for sure but when things fell apart it was the feelings and emotions that I went through personally. It was this all out attack on me emotionally and spiritually that had I given in and let the evil in my personal spiritual door, we would have been destroyed. I mentioned also in the talk just referenced that it was the basics that helped me to get through, that helped our family get through the challenges. The point of all this is that in my times of weakness and struggle the Lord was there, he did not forsake me. As a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings... always protecting, always loving, always guiding. I could have chosen not to go and there were times when it would have been so much easier to quit.

One more line from President Hinkley here, "And yes, even thank Him for your struggles, for they will make you strong - if you will let them". That takes faith and sometimes that is very difficult. Trusting in the Lord that He is there and that He is aware of you. It takes faith. I have to say that it is not easy to thank the Lord for your struggles. The adversary would have you be bitter and angry because of them. When all hell breaks loose in your life it is not at all easy to step back and trust in the Lord. I have no idea how we have made it to where we are today a year later. It has been through the Lord and through those friends and angels he has used to bless our family. I personally lack the ability and am so grateful for those who have been there to steady the ship and for the Lord who has been the rock upon which I have relied.

This post turned into something that I didn't plan on when I sat down tonight. Strange. I just had these impressions and figured I needed to record them. Anybody following this blog should note that you are privvy to my personal journal here. That is what this is and some of the thoughts that I will share are not always a fun blog. It is hard to share the things of my heart in this forum that allows for public scrutiny. I hope that it serves as a strength to some.

Alas, we were in SEP/SEOP conferences today and they were well. Natty is wonderful little girl. She is struggling with a few things and some of that stems from her socializing. We need to get that under control and stay focussed on our work a little more. She will be fine and has a wonderful teacher in Mrs. Little. I am grateful for that. I think both Natty and Jack got the exact teachers that they needed this year. Wonderful.

After all this the title makes absolutely no sense I know. It is what I thought I was going to write about tonight. When we were with Mrs. Little for Natty Jack was hanging out in the room with us. I had just praised Jack this morning for getting 100% on his last spelling test - actually he has done this 3 times in recent weeks. So the discussion at the table was about something that I cannot recall and somehow the topic of 100% came up and it got Jacks attention. He left what he was doing, came over to the table, put his hand on Mrs. Little's arm and said "I'm really good at getting 100 percents". I just chuckled there to myself.

I am grateful for Natty, Jack and Andy and the joy they bring to my life. I am grateful for the struggles of my life and hope that in them I can find strength and that the lessons contained there in are not lost because of pride or bitterness. I am grateful for all who have been instruments in my life and the life of my children. How wonderful you all are. I am grateful for the Lord and for his love for me. I know he lives. I know he will not forsake us.