Wants and Needs

I think we have all had budgetting 101 where you go through and look at finances and have the always fun discussion about things that are wants and things that are needs. When it comes to finances and operating a budget clearly the needs take priority over the wants. When the budget is loose the line that seperates the two can easily become hazy and perhaps a little more flexible. When the budget is very tight the line is very clear and quite rigid. I think the trick to abundant living is to keep that line rigid regardless of the income you might have and to be very careful with your resources.

When money was plentiful in my life I was not a very good steward over it. Getting all of the luxuries of life was easy and quite simply did not effect our bank account much. Now that I am scraping the barrel I don't spend a dime if I don't have to. I honestly don't know how we are surviving right now other then to say the Lord has made our dollars stretch. Miracles have occurred and resources have come in a variety of ways. I am grateful for that. I hope that when our financial situation improves I will be a much better steward over the resources that we are blessed with.

Wants and Needs in accounting is one thing and again, I think we can all understand it. There is another area of our lives where wants and needs play and important role. I beleive that deep down inside of us we all want to be wanted and we all want to be needed. Perhaps deep down is not accurate. I don't know that it is always so deep down. Before the divorce I struggled mightly with the fact that I was simply no longer wanted. I think I was needed and so Rachel stayed but she wanted nothing to do with me and no matter what I did, no matter what additional responsibilities I took on in the home that did not change. It is difficult to describe what that feels like. Perhaps hollow and empty are as deep as I can get on that one. Now my kids never stopped wanting me or needing me and that has certainly kept me going even through the worst of times. There is something missing though. I don't think the Lord was mistaken when he said it isn't good for man to be alone.

There was a time after the divorce when all seemed lost. Actually there are times even now when I feel those emotions. They are becoming less frequent and that is great but there are times of loneliness and it can be hard. Anyway, after the divorce and the pain experienced there I did not have a desire to be involved with women and the thought of dating someone was not one that I particularly enjoyed. I had been rejected by my spouse after 13 years of marriage and that was not supposed to happen. My self esteem was in the toilet and the thought of being worthy of someones love and affection was non existant. Talk about wanting to crawl under a rock and hide. And yet there is a need that exists in my heart and I suspect in the hearts of most, a need to feel wanted. If we break that down even further, a need to be loved. Funny that no less important is the need to give love.

It isn't quite so simple as there are defenses that exist and fortifications made to protect from heartache and pain, from rejection. After enduring chats with mother, sisters, and sister in laws regarding dating and lists of women they had in mind I finally went out on a date. Granted it was with my dad but it was great. He took me to dinner and a movie. What a deal. That is a true story but seriously, I have done some dating. I got closer to a gal then I ever thought I would again and for a while I felt wanted and it was absolutely wonderful. I also loved giving love and I think it was well received. That particular relationship is not going anywhere at this point and that is okay. There is a friendship there that I will always cherish and I guess you never know. I was discouraged by that for a while and wondered why but maybe it was there so that I could experience what it was like to feel wanted again. Sara described the relationship as a bright spot in my life and that is certainly the case.

The entire experience gave me hope and I found myself wanting to break down barriers and overcome the challenges that I am dealing with. I am grateful for that. Though it is not easy to do I want to be whole and I know that with the help of the Savior I can. So I press forward with faith in the Lord knowing that it is possible.

So I guess whether we are talking about wants or needs one thing is for certain, we need to want and to be wanted in return or in other words, we need to love and to be loved in return.