Hope

There was a time, not too long ago, when I was really struggling to have hope. The harsh realities of my failed marriage were coming to light and I felt like an embarrassment to my family, to the church and to my friends. My efforts to make it work were fruitless and things continued to deteriorate. I felt terrible about myself. I know that Satan was aware of these feelings and he played on these insecurities, he still does. In my mind life was over. I would not ever find happiness, I wasn't worthy of it. It is hard to describe the dark place that I was in. Suffice to say it was lonely and cold. When I was working in Port Richey and commuting for 3 hours a day I had a lot of time to ponder. I listened to many conference talks, I prayed and I cried a lot during that time on the road. I am sure there were a few drivers on the road nervous about the guy crying in the car next to them. I realized one day that my greatest friends were my children and that no matter how bad I was feeling about myself I had 3 beautiful kids that loved me.

When I was wading through this mist of darkness and my hope was beginning to fade I never let go of the the iron rod. I remained diligent in my personal reading of the Book of Mormon. I continued to gather the kids for daily scriptures and prayers as well. We had weekly Family Home Evening and there were times when it was completely miserable and I wondered if it was really worth the effort. I prayed for strength to carry on and knew that I had family and friends praying for us as well. The Lord provided that strength in many different ways. I kept showing up for church meetings despite it being a major trial of my faith. I had a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and I had to lean on that testimony. When all else failed the Lord did not fail me. My hope was frail, still it was enough. It was enough to keep me moving when I didn't want to. Speaking about tithing the Lord says "prove me now herewith if I will not open you the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it". Isn't that the same with every principal of the gospel? We obey, especially when it is hard, and the Lord provides the blessings.

To my children I share my love of the Savior. I know that he lives and that he loves each of you. When life seems to crumble in around you and all seems lost know that it is not. Always remember that you are a Child of God and you are entitled to his help. When you find yourself in your own mists of darkness you will have a choice to make. Either you can cling to the iron rod and trust that the Lord will see you through or you can wander off in strange roads and be lost. Hold on to hope, do the things you know to be right and trust in the Lord.

I am grateful for hope. It is my hope in Christ that has carried me through the last 2 years of my life. I am grateful to have new hopes in my life. I love the Savior and I hope to live my life in a manner that pleases Him, always.