Get Crackin

Not quite sure when the decision was made to start pimping the heck out of pistachios. In all my life up until the last couple of years I cannot recall ever seeing an ad for these addictive little nuts of pure joy. Out of the wood work we've got all kinds of celebrities out there tellin us all to get crackin. It's like the new got milk? campaign. I don't have TV and really can't say what is out there but do you even see that got milk? stuff anymore? Who is wearing the milk mustache these days and are they hiding a pistachio in their mouth whilst wearing said stache? Nobody ever came to me for a milk mustache spot but that is probably because they knew I would turn them down due to my self proclaimed lactose intolerance.

So back to Pistachios - when I was a kid I thought they were green death in a shell. And if that wasn't enough there were the red ones as well. I think I use to throw up in my mouth just thinking about them and could not understand why dad would want those nasty things. I remember watching one of the Naked Gun movies when the cops were sitting in the patrol car eating pistachios and they go to leave and the camera zooms out and they are on a hill of shells and can't move. I was thinking "right, there isn't a man, woman or child alive that would eat that many pistachios in one sitting. This is ridiculous".

On my mission I braved some of the best ice cream I have ever had - Pistachio. What the heck was that about? First of all green ice cream was supposed to be mint flavored and second of all why would anyone want pistachio anything especially ice cream? Oh but my eyes were opened that day. Holy smokes that was good ice cream. I just remember savoring each bite. Maybe it was because I was a missionary and didn't get a lot of ice cream on the mission. Nope, I think I just finally realized what all the hype was about. Those little nuts are tasty.

My new favorite are the Cajun Spice Pistachios that are sold at Wal Mart. A little fire in those babies and wow, they are good. So now I don't know if that many pistachio shells are really that ridiculous. I've bought the 4 lb bags. I've pounded a few on occasion. I do use them to keep myself awake and alert whilst writing a blog post. You know, if they are ever looking for a serious blogger to do a commercial on Pistachios I might need to throw my hat in that ring. I mean I have hoards of people reading this thing, I generate a ton of comments with my edgy writing and lets face it, I am a babe magnet and the ladies are just all over me. I am quite possibly the perfect pick for the job.

Picture this, I am dressed in a neonish green shirt tucked inside of a fine khaki suit sitting at my computer typing a blog with piles and piles of shelled pistachios just everywhere. I wouldn't even say a word. I would simply shell a pistachio in my mouth, spit out the shell, eat the nut all while typing "This is how a blogger does it... Get Crackin!" Then I would give a sly wink, you know, for the ladies and it would be over.

So I wrote this entire piece while eating sunflower seeds. Oh the horror. Actually, I ran out of my pistachios right when I started so I grabbed the next best thing, Spitz Dill Pickle flavored sunflower seeds. Oh well, this is how this blogger did it tonight... Get Crack-a-lack-in!

Good thing there is spell checker, did you note how many times pistachio was in this post? I spelled it wrong every single time. It was the h. It's a little known fact that the true connoisseur of pistachios actually spell it without the h.