Messages

First, if you read yesterdays entry and came across a word that didn't quite fit, my apologies.  It has been corrected.  Thanks Jim for pointing it out.  Oh my goodness how embarrassing.  I was dead tired when I wrote the post and as I had mentioned using spell check I will confirm that I did that but was apparently a little too tired and replaced a misspelled corn dog with a word that, well it just didn't fit.  Sorry if my spell check negligence caused any ill feelings or sent the wrong message. 

So on the topic of messages.  I have sat in meetings the last two weeks at church and found that the lessons are all about families right now and successful marriages.  I embrace what is being taught.  It is right and true.  I have reserved making any comments though as I find myself battling negative thoughts about myself and my worthiness to even speak on the subject.  Some might say that there isn't any reason for me to have those feelings.  I understand what you are saying but I also carry with me experience that many of my peers in the church do not share.  That experience remains the most difficult of my life and I find that I have not yet healed.  Those feelings of inadequacy exist.  The fact that I am divorced speaks failure in my mind when the topic of successful marriage comes up.  What else could come to my mind? 

A little over two years ago I had the experience while fasting and praying for strength to heal when I received the impression that I had been given these experiences for a reason and that I needed to share.  Perhaps I need to remember that and keep it in the forefront of my mind when I have thoughts of unworthiness marching in. 

In Gospel Principles today my good friend Jason Murray shared an experience his family was having and what he said took faith.  It took trusting in the Lord and acting on an impression.  His thoughts were in regards to the roles of fathers and mothers.  He shared his feelings of inadequacy as he has had to be home for health reasons while his sweet wife runs their business.  Anyhow, he discussed his shortcomings as he tried to manage the house, not so much in his ability to have the house in order but in the way that he went about it and his failures to provide what only a mom can provide.  I can relate.  I know that as hard as I try to keep this house together and to take care of these kiddos there are some things that they can only get from mother.  It is those things that I lack and fail to provide that I trust the Lord to provide.